


Regret

by Donovanspen



Series: Whumptober 2019 [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Prompt: Shaky hands, Trauma-induced stress reaction, Upset Alec Lightwood, whumptober2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-10 18:56:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20856638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: Never in his life had Alec wished he could recall an arrow once it had been released. Until now.





	Regret

“Alec!” Catarina snapped. “I need you to focus.”

Alec could hear her, and he was trying. He truly was, but he couldn’t make his hands move. He could only stare at the man laid out before him, breath rasping from the pain of Alec’s arrow in his chest. How did this happen? Never in his life had Alec wished he could recall an arrow once it had been released. His aim was always true, and he never fired without intent.

“Alexander.”

He shouldn’t have been there. Amidst all the chaos of the battle, Magnus had unknowingly stepped directly into the path of Alec’s arrow. Alec had watched in horror as his arrow pierced his husband’s chest. He couldn’t breathe as he leapt from the rooftop and crossed the shipyard to his husband’s crumpled form. Catarina had been seconds behind him.

“Alec!” Catarina’s sharp tone was accompanied with a magic blast that felt like a slap across his face. “Magnus will be all right if you help me. I can help him, but I need you. He’s in pain, Alec. You need to get it together.”

Alec met Catarina’s eyes and nodded.

“Good. You have to take the arrow out. The longer an angelic weapon stays inside him, the worse it will be for him. You have to take it out so I can start healing him,” Catarina instructed.

Alec knew this. There wasn’t time to get anyone else, not that he’d trust them with Magnus. But he had caused so much destruction, so much pain. He almost couldn’t bear to touch Magnus again for fear of what else he might do. He reached forward, his hands shaking so much that he had to stop and take a breath. Catarina gave him an encouraging nod and he tried again. He grasped the arrow, forcing himself to remain still so as not to add to Magnus’s pain.

“Ready?” Catarina asked, her hands hovering over Magnus’s chest, just to the side of the arrow.

Alec nodded again, still unable to form words.

“Ok, slow and easy, go.” Blue waves of healing magic flowed over Magnus as Alec withdrew the arrow.

Magnus’s screams filled the air, and Alec bit his lip, blood seeping into his mouth as he tried to remain steady. He wanted to turn away and not watch as his own weapon tore through the flesh of the man he loved more than life itself, but he had to watch, to be careful and precise. The arrowhead finally broke free. Alec could hear the sound of it as it was pulled from Magnus’s chest. Catarina leaned in closer, her magic washing over Magnus.

“That’s it, old friend,” she cooed. “Almost there. You’ll be feeling better here in just a second, I promise.”

Magnus had stopped screaming and his breath was hitching slightly as Catarina’s magic poured over him. He turned his head and looked towards Alec, his cat eyes on display.

Alec stared back, the arrow still in his hands. Magnus would be ok. The wound was closed, and he was taking deep breaths. Alec wanted to say something, to reach out and pull his husband into his arms but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything but stare at him while still clutching that damn arrow.

No longer waiting for Alec to make the first move, Magnus slowly lifted his arm towards him. Alec could feel the tremors starting up again, could see the way the arrow was shaking in his hands. He couldn’t touch Magnus, not with these hands. He threw the arrow to the ground and scooted back away from him. It was too much. Everything was suddenly too much. He was shaking. He was shivering but felt so hot. People were surrounding them, all talking at once. It was too loud. Alec twisted over onto his hands and knees and retched up what little contents had been in his stomach. He felt strong hands grip his shoulders and hold him steady. He heard Jace’s comforting voice whisper that it would be all right, that Magnus was all right.

Alec sagged back and allowed Jace to shift him around until he was half lying across his parabatai who was holding him up. A few feet away, he saw Magnus sitting up on his own steam watching him with wide, worried eyes. Alec felt the horror of what he’d done wash over him again, and tears streamed down his face as he thought of how close he’d come to losing Magnus.


End file.
